Written Vows

Jewish, Episcopal, Quaker and Celtic wedding vows

The wording used outside the mainstream Christian rites, quoted from its source — including two traditions where the honest answer is not the one the wedding websites give.

Jewish weddings

A traditional Jewish wedding has no vows. This surprises almost everyone who searches for them, including couples planning one.

The kiddushin declaration

Hebrew, with transliteration

Harei at mekudeshet li b’taba’at zo k’dat Moshe v’Yisrael.

Behold, you are consecrated to me with this ring according to the law of Moses and Israel.

This single sentence, said as the groom places the ring on the bride's finger in front of two valid witnesses, is what effects the marriage. The witnesses must both hear him say it and see him place the ring. There is no reciprocal vow in the traditional rite; the bride accepts the ring in silence.

The reciprocal declaration

Contemporary · Reform, Reconstructionist and many Conservative ceremonies

Harei atah mekudash li b’taba’at zo k’dat Moshe v’Yisrael.

Behold, you are consecrated to me with this ring according to the law of Moses and Israel.

Widely added so that the exchange runs both ways, using the masculine form of the same sentence. Whether a double-ring exchange is permitted, and in what form, is a question for your rabbi rather than for a website — the halakhic reasoning matters and the practice differs by movement.

What stands in place of vows

The ketubah

The ketubah is signed before the ceremony, read aloud beneath the chuppah, and given by the groom to the bride.

The obligations a Jewish marriage creates are written rather than spoken: the ketubah is a document setting out the husband's obligations to his wife, signed by witnesses and read aloud under the chuppah. If you are looking for the promises in a Jewish wedding, they are in the contract, not in a vow.

Episcopal — the 1979 Book of Common Prayer

The Celebration and Blessing of a Marriage. Quoted verbatim; nothing here is optional except where the rite says so.

The declaration of consent

The Book of Common Prayer, 1979

N., will you have this woman to be your wife; to live together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?

Asked of each partner in turn before the vows. The answer is “I will.”

The marriage vow

The Book of Common Prayer, 1979

In the Name of God, I, N., take you, N., to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.

The bride says the same, substituting “husband.” Note “until we are parted by death” rather than “till death do us part,” and the closing “this is my solemn vow.”

The giving of the ring

The Book of Common Prayer, 1979

N., I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you, in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

The Trinitarian ending may be replaced with the words “in the Name of God,” which the rite provides for directly.

The 1662 Book of Common Prayer

Still authorised in the Church of England, and the ancestor of nearly every English-language vow in use today. The original spelling and capitalisation are kept below.

The priest’s question

The Form of Solemnization of Matrimony, 1662

Wilt thou have this Woman to thy wedded Wife, to live together after God’s ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony?

Asked of the man first, then the woman with the roles reversed. Answered “I will.”

The man’s vow

The Form of Solemnization of Matrimony, 1662

I M. take thee N. to my wedded Wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.

M. and N. are the book's placeholders — M. for the man, N. for the woman. “Plight” means pledge and “troth” means faithfulness, so the last clause is simply “and with that, I pledge you my faithfulness.”

The woman’s vow

The Form of Solemnization of Matrimony, 1662

I N. take thee M. to my wedded Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.

Two differences from the man's, both original to the text: “to love, cherish, and to obey,” and “I give thee my troth” rather than “plight.” Modern printed orders of service almost always use the man's form for both people.

The giving of the ring

The Form of Solemnization of Matrimony, 1662

WITH this Ring I thee wed, with my Body I thee worship, and with all my worldly Goods I thee endow: In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost.

“With my Body I thee worship” uses worship in its older sense — to hold in honour, as in “your worship.” Common Worship renders it “with my body I honour you.”

Quaker marriage

No officiant, no set order, and no one pronouncing the couple married.

The traditional declaration

Religious Society of Friends

In the presence of God and these our friends, I, N., take thee, N., to be my wife, promising with divine assistance to be unto thee a loving and faithful husband so long as we both shall live.

Spoken during a meeting for worship, when the couple feel ready to rise and speak. Afterwards everyone present signs the marriage certificate: in Quaker understanding the meeting itself is the witness, and the couple marry each other rather than being married by anyone.

Handfasting

A real historical practice, though not the version usually described on wedding websites.

What handfasting actually was

Medieval and Tudor England · Scotland

The couple’s hands are bound with a cord or ribbon while they make their promises — the likely origin of the phrase “tying the knot.”

In medieval and Tudor England, handfasting was a binding marriage: as soon as the couple made their promises to each other they were validly married. In Scotland the word covered several things, including formal betrothal and irregular marriage. The familiar “trial marriage for a year and a day” is contested — the historian A. E. Anton argued in 1958 that it rests on late, romanticised sources, principally Thomas Pennant and Walter Scott, rather than on legal practice. Modern handfasting has no legal force anywhere; it sits inside a ceremony that does.

A handfasting exchange

Modern · no authorised text exists

Officiant: These are the hands of your best friend, holding yours on your wedding day. Take them, and make your promises.

First: I bind myself to you — in plenty and in want, in sickness and in health, in the good years and the hard ones. What I have is yours.

Second: I bind myself to you, on the same terms, for as long as we both shall live.

Officiant: The knot is tied by your own hands, and only your own hands can untie it.

There is no historical script to reproduce, so what follows is written to be used rather than presented as ancient. Anyone offering you an authentic handfasting liturgy is offering you a modern composition.

“Celtic” and Irish wedding vows

The most-copied wording in this whole category, and it is not what it claims to be.

The vow that is everywhere

Attributed to ancient Celtic tradition · actually 1994

You cannot possess me, for I belong to myself. But while we both wish it, I give you that which is mine to give.

“You cannot possess me, for I belong to myself” and its companion lines are published across the wedding web as ancient or traditional Celtic vows. They are traceable to Morgan Llywelyn's 1994 novel Finn Mac Cool, and Celtic scholars report never encountering the text in any original-language source. There is, in fact, no reliable record of pre-Christian Celtic marriage liturgy at all: modern Celtic ceremonies are reconstructions. Say these words if you love them — many couples do — but do not tell your guests they are old.

An Irish vow that is genuinely traditional

Irish blessing · commonly used at the close of a ceremony

May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face, and the rains fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of his hand.

If you want something Irish with real provenance, use a blessing rather than a vow. This one is traditional, widely printed, and does not have to pretend to be anything it is not.

For Catholic, Anglican, Methodist, Lutheran and Presbyterian wording, see Christian wedding vows. For a ceremony with no religious content at all, see non-religious wedding vows.

Common questions

What are the traditional Jewish wedding vows?
There are none. A traditional Jewish wedding contains no exchange of vows: the marriage is effected by the groom giving the bride a ring before two valid witnesses and saying “Harei at mekudeshet li b'taba'at zo k'dat Moshe v'Yisrael.” The bride's traditional role is to accept the ring in silence.
Are Celtic or Irish wedding vows actually ancient?
The best-known ones are not. “You cannot possess me, for I belong to myself” and its companion lines circulate everywhere as ancient Celtic vows; they are traceable to Morgan Llywelyn's 1994 novel Finn Mac Cool. Celtic scholars report never having seen the text in any original-language source. Use them if you like them — but not on the grounds that they are old.
Is handfasting a real historical tradition?
Yes, but not the version usually described. In medieval and Tudor England handfasting was a binding marriage, not a trial. The famous “year and a day trial marriage” rests on late and romanticised sources — the historian A. E. Anton argued in 1958 that it derives from Thomas Pennant and Walter Scott rather than from legal practice.
What is the difference between the 1662 and 1979 prayer book vows?
The 1662 vow uses thee and thou, closes “thereto I plight thee my troth,” and gives the bride “to love, cherish, and to obey.” The 1979 American book modernises the pronouns, replaces the troth line with “this is my solemn vow,” ends “until we are parted by death,” and contains no “obey” in any form.
Do Quakers exchange vows?
They make declarations, without an officiant. During a meeting for worship the couple rise when they are ready and speak to each other; everyone present then signs the marriage certificate, because in Quaker understanding the meeting itself is the witness to the marriage.