Where do the traditional wedding vows come from?

From the medieval Sarum Use, the marriage rite of Salisbury, which Thomas Cranmer translated and reshaped for the first Book of Common Prayer in 1549. Nearly every English-language vow in use today — church or courthouse, religious or civil — is a descendant of that text.

Are the traditional vows legally required?

In the United States, almost never. Most states require only that you declare your consent to marry in front of the officiant and any required witnesses; the wording is yours. England and Wales are the exception — the Marriage Act 1949 prescribes a declaratory sentence and a contracting sentence that must be said aloud, whatever else you add.

Can we shorten the traditional vows?

In a civil or non-liturgical ceremony, yes — most couples cut “according to God's holy ordinance” and the troth line, and many drop “for richer or for poorer.” In a Catholic wedding you cannot: the consent is prescribed and the priest will use one of the two approved forms.

Traditional wedding vows: the exact standard wording

Below is the standard form word for word, then the exact text used by each major rite, what every line actually commits you to, and which parts you are free to change. If you want vows to adapt rather than the authoritative wording, the example vows are the page you want.

The standard wording

This is what most American officiants read by default when a couple asks for “the normal vows.” It has no single governing authority behind it — it is the Book of Common Prayer text with the religious clauses stripped out, and it has been the civil-ceremony default for well over a century.

The standard American form

Civil and non-liturgical · no single authority

I, [name], take you, [name], to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.

Nothing here is legally required in most US states. It is convention, not statute — which is exactly why it can be cut.

Line by line, what you are promising

Most of these phrases are older than modern English and several of them are borrowed from law rather than religion.

“I take you to be my wedded wife / husband”: The operative sentence. In most jurisdictions this clause alone — a clear declaration of consent, spoken in front of the officiant — is the part that carries legal weight. Everything after it is promise, not paperwork.
“To have and to hold”: Conveyancing language, lifted from English property deeds, where the habendum clause set out what the buyer would receive and keep. It arrived in the marriage rite by borrowing, which is why it sounds like a contract: it was one.
“From this day forward”: The promise begins now and is not conditional on anything happening later. Short, and the one line almost nobody cuts.
“For better, for worse” · “for richer, for poorer”: Two merisms — pairs of opposites standing in for everything between them. The rite names money explicitly and deliberately: medieval versions listed goods and property directly, because marriage transferred both.
“In sickness and in health”: The care obligation, and the clause couples most often say they understood only years afterwards. It is the reason the phrase survives every attempt to modernise the vows.
“To love and to cherish”: To cherish is to hold dear and treat tenderly, from the Old French cherir. It is the softer half of the pair — love is the commitment, cherishing is how it is meant to look day to day.
“Till death us do part”: The 1549 Book of Common Prayer read “till death us depart,” where depart meant to separate. As the word drifted towards simply “to leave,” the line was rewritten; the 1662 book gives the familiar “till death us do part.” The American reordering to “till death do us part” came later and has no liturgical standing — both are heard.
“And thereto I plight thee my troth”: Plight means to pledge; troth is an old form of truth meaning faithfulness. The whole line is simply “and with that, I pledge you my faithfulness.” Modern books replace it with “this is my solemn vow.”

The exact text, rite by rite

These differ in ways that matter. If your ceremony belongs to one of these traditions, use its wording rather than the generic form — the officiant will be working from the book.

Book of Common Prayer, 1662 — the groom

Church of England · still authorised

I, N., take thee, N., to my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.

This is the ancestor of nearly every English-language vow in use today. The archaic pronouns are part of the authorised text; officiants using the 1662 book do not modernise them.

Book of Common Prayer, 1662 — the bride

Church of England · includes “obey”

I, N., take thee, N., to my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.

The bride's version adds “and to obey” and closes with “I give thee my troth” rather than “plight.” Both differences are original to the text.

Common Worship, 2000

Church of England · current standard form

I, N., take you, N., to be my wife; to have and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health; to love and to cherish; till death us do part; according to God’s holy law. In the presence of God I make this vow.

The modern Church of England service. “Obey” is offered only in an alternative form the couple must actively choose; the standard text above does not contain it.

The Book of Common Prayer, 1979

Episcopal Church (USA)

In the Name of God, I, N., take you, N., to be my wife; to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.

Note “until we are parted by death” in place of “till death us do part,” and “this is my solemn vow” in place of the troth line. No version of this rite contains “obey.”

The Order of Celebrating Matrimony

Roman Catholic · United States

I, N., take you, N., to be my wife. I promise to be faithful to you, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love you and to honor you all the days of my life.

Prescribed wording: a Catholic couple exchanges consent in one of two approved forms and may not substitute vows of their own. Personal promises, if you want them, go elsewhere in the liturgy and only with the priest's agreement. Wording differs by country — in England and Wales the approved form is not identical to this one, so ask your parish.

The Catholic consent, asked as a question

Roman Catholic · second approved form

N., do you take N. to be your wife? Do you promise to be faithful to her in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love her and to honor her all the days of your life?

The alternative form, used when the couple would rather answer than recite. The response to each question is simply “I do.”

The United Methodist Book of Worship

United Methodist Church

In the name of God, I, N., take you, N., to be my wife; to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.

Close to the 1979 Episcopal text and often mistaken for it. The distinguishing opening is “In the name of God.”

Lutheran Book of Worship, 1978

Lutheran · the shortest of the mainline forms

I take you, N., to be my wife, from this day forward, to join with you and share all that is to come, and I promise to be faithful to you until death parts us.

Quoted from the Lutheran Book of Worship, which introduces it as “these or similar words” — the vow is a model rather than a fixed formula, and Lutheran services vary more than most. The LBW also carries a longer alternative beginning “and these things I promise you.” Confirm the text your congregation uses with your pastor; Evangelical Lutheran Worship (2006) is the current ELCA book.

Civil ceremony, England and Wales

Marriage Act 1949 · legally prescribed

I declare that I know of no legal reason why I, N., may not be joined in marriage to N.

I call upon these persons here present to witness that I, N., do take thee, N., to be my lawful wedded wife.

These two sentences are the legal minimum and must be spoken aloud; shortened alternatives are permitted, and anything else you say is in addition to them. Registrars will not allow them to be cut. This applies in England and Wales only — Scotland, Northern Ireland and the United States all differ.

“Obey”: where it came from and how to remove it

The bride’s promise “to love, cherish, and to obey” entered English at the 1549 Book of Common Prayer and stayed put for four centuries. Its medieval ancestor in the Sarum rite was blunter still: the bride undertook to be “bonair and buxom in bed and at board” — gracious and compliant, at home and in bed.

The retreat happened over the twentieth century. The 1928 revisions on both sides of the Atlantic made the word optional; the 1979 American Book of Common Prayer removed it altogether; Common Worship in England keeps it only as an alternative form a couple has to request. In practice, if you say nothing at all, you will not be asked to say it.

If you want it gone from an older text, the standard substitution is simply to use the groom’s line for both people — “to love and to cherish” — which is what almost every modern printed order of service already does.

What you may change, and what you may not

Freely changed: “Lawfully wedded” shortened to “wedded” or dropped · “for richer or for poorer” cut, which is the most common single edit · “according to God’s holy ordinance” removed in a civil ceremony · “till death do us part” swapped for “for as long as we both shall live” · “obey” removed · the troth line replaced with “this is my solemn vow” · your own promises added after the standard clauses.
Changed only with permission: Anything inside a liturgical rite. Catholic consent is prescribed and will not be altered. Church of England, Episcopal, Methodist and Lutheran services allow additions and choices between authorised forms, but the vow itself comes from the book. Ask before you write, not after.
Not changed at all: Statutory wording where it exists. In England and Wales the declaratory and contracting words are set by the Marriage Act 1949 and must be spoken. In most American states no words are prescribed, but the officiant still has to hear you both consent — a ceremony of pure poetry with no clear “I do” or “I take you” is a paperwork problem waiting to happen.

Where the traditional vows come from

The line runs from the Sarum Use, the medieval marriage rite of Salisbury, which was already being said in English at the church door while the rest of the service stayed in Latin. Thomas Cranmer translated and reshaped it for the first Book of Common Prayer in 1549; the 1662 revision fixed the wording that the English-speaking world still recognises.

That single lineage is why a courthouse ceremony in Ohio and a parish wedding in Somerset use recognisably the same sentence. The clauses were never a list of nice sentiments — they are a legal formula, drafted to be witnessed, and their weight comes from the fact that they name the worst outcomes out loud in front of everyone you know.

Want to keep the traditional frame but make it yours? Vow templates give you the structure with the blanks left open, and the vow builder assembles a draft around your own promises.

Common questions

What are the basic wedding vows?: “I, [name], take you, [name], to be my lawfully wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.” That is the standard American form. Church services add a line naming God, and the Catholic rite uses different wording entirely.
Do traditional wedding vows still include “obey”?: Rarely. “To love, cherish, and to obey” is the bride's line in the 1662 Book of Common Prayer and it survived into the 1928 revisions as an option. The 1979 American Book of Common Prayer removed it, and Common Worship in England offers it only as an alternative most couples decline. If you want it gone, say so — no officiant will be surprised.
Where do the traditional wedding vows come from?: From the medieval Sarum Use, the marriage rite of Salisbury, which Thomas Cranmer translated and reshaped for the first Book of Common Prayer in 1549. Nearly every English-language vow in use today — church or courthouse, religious or civil — is a descendant of that text.
Are the traditional vows legally required?: In the United States, almost never. Most states require only that you declare your consent to marry in front of the officiant and any required witnesses; the wording is yours. England and Wales are the exception — the Marriage Act 1949 prescribes a declaratory sentence and a contracting sentence that must be said aloud, whatever else you add.
Can we shorten the traditional vows?: In a civil or non-liturgical ceremony, yes — most couples cut “according to God's holy ordinance” and the troth line, and many drop “for richer or for poorer.” In a Catholic wedding you cannot: the consent is prescribed and the priest will use one of the two approved forms.