Written Vows

Catholic wedding vows: all four authorised forms

Quoted from The Order of Celebrating Matrimony, the English translation used in the dioceses of the United States. There are four authorised ways to exchange consent, not one — most sites publish only the first.

You cannot write your own

The exchange of consent is what makes the marriage, and the Church prescribes its wording. A couple chooses between the forms below; they do not rewrite them. If you want personal promises somewhere in the day, ask the priest or deacon early about where they could sit — not about replacing the consent.

The questions before the consent

These come first, and each partner answers separately. The third question is omitted if circumstances suggest it — for instance, if the couple is advanced in years.

The three questions

Order of Celebrating Matrimony, 125

N. and N., have you come here to enter into Marriage without coercion, freely and wholeheartedly?

Are you prepared, as you follow the path of Marriage, to love and honor each other for as long as you both shall live?

Are you prepared to accept children lovingly from God and to bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?

Each is answered “I have.” Couples often expect “I do” here and are surprised on the day; the “I do” belongs to Form B below, not to these questions.

The invitation to consent

Order of Celebrating Matrimony, 126

Since it is your intention to enter the covenant of Holy Matrimony, join your right hands and declare your consent before God and his Church.

Said as the couple join their right hands. The joining of hands is part of the rite, not staging.

Form A — the spoken consent

The form most couples mean by “Catholic wedding vows,” said by each partner in turn.

Form A — the bridegroom

Order of Celebrating Matrimony, 127

I, N., take you, N., to be my wife. I promise to be faithful to you, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love you and to honor you all the days of my life.

The bride says the same, substituting “husband.” Nothing in this text is optional.

Form A — the United States alternative

Order of Celebrating Matrimony, 127 · US dioceses only

I, N., take you, N., for my lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death do us part.

Introduced in the book with the rubric “[In the dioceses of the United States], the following alternative form may be used.” This is the older English formula, and it is the one to ask for if you want “until death do us part” in a Catholic ceremony.

Form B — consent by questioning

Used, in the words of the rite, “if it seems preferable for pastoral reasons.” In practice: when a partner would rather answer than recite, or is likely to be overcome. This is where “I do” belongs.

Form B — the priest or deacon asks

Order of Celebrating Matrimony, 128

N., do you take N. to be your wife? Do you promise to be faithful to her in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love her and to honor her all the days of your life?

Asked of the bridegroom first, then the bride with the pronouns changed. Each replies “I do.”

Form B — the United States alternative

Order of Celebrating Matrimony, 128 · US dioceses only

N., do you take N. for your lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?

The questioned version of the older formula. Note that it drops “to love and to cherish” — the question form is shorter than the spoken one, which surprises couples comparing the two.

The reception of the consent

Order of Celebrating Matrimony, 129

May the Lord in his kindness strengthen the consent you have declared before the Church, and graciously bring to fulfillment his blessing within you. What God joins together, let no one put asunder.

Said by the priest or deacon immediately afterwards. A second, longer form beginning “May the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, the God of Jacob” may be used instead.

The blessing and giving of rings

The rite offers three blessings; the shortest is below. The rings may be omitted altogether “if circumstances so suggest.”

The blessing of the rings

Order of Celebrating Matrimony, 131

May the Lord bless these rings, which you give to each other as a sign of love and fidelity.

The cross in the printed text marks the sign of the cross made over the rings.

The giving of the rings

Order of Celebrating Matrimony, 132

N., receive this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

Said by each in turn as the ring is placed on the ring finger. The Trinitarian ending is optional and, in the words of the rubric, added “if he is a Christian” — the rite is written to accommodate a partner who is not.

The arras — the thirteen coins

Order of Celebrating Matrimony, 133 · optional

Bless, O Lord, these arras that N. and N. will give to each other and pour over them the abundance of your good gifts.

Widely kept in Hispanic and Filipino Catholic weddings and almost unknown elsewhere, which is why couples are often told it does not exist. It does: the rite provides for it directly after the rings, and either partner may give them first.

What you choose, and what you do not

You choose
Which of the four consent forms is used. Whether the ceremony is a Nuptial Mass or a marriage without Mass. The readings, the music, whether rings are blessed with the short or long prayer, and whether the arras and the lazo are included.
You do not choose
The wording of the consent itself. Nor may you add conditions to it, remove the reference to fidelity, or replace “all the days of my life” with a shorter term. The consent is the sacramental act; everything around it is arrangement.
Ask your parish about
Whether the US alternative form is used in your diocese, since it is permitted rather than universal. Whether a personal address may sit after the consent. And, if you are marrying outside the United States, which translation applies — the approved English text differs by bishops’ conference.
For the wording used by other churches — Anglican, Episcopal, Methodist, Lutheran, Presbyterian and Baptist — see Christian wedding vows, and for scripture set out for use inside a vow, see wedding vows with Bible verses.

Common questions

Can you write your own vows in a Catholic wedding?
No. The exchange of consent is prescribed, and a couple chooses between the four authorised forms below rather than writing their own. Personal words can sometimes be placed elsewhere — a letter read at the reception, or a short address with the priest's agreement — but not in place of the consent.
What are the traditional Catholic wedding vows?
“I, N., take you, N., to be my wife. I promise to be faithful to you, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love you and to honor you all the days of my life.” That is Form A. Dioceses in the United States may also use an alternative form ending “until death do us part.”
Do Catholic vows include “in sickness and in health”?
Yes — both authorised forms contain it. Form A pairs it with “in good times and in bad”; the US alternative form uses the older sequence “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.”
What if one of us is not Catholic?
The marriage can still take place in the Church, usually with a dispensation and often without a Nuptial Mass. The consent is unchanged. Note that the ring formula includes an optional Trinitarian ending said only “if he is a Christian” — the rite anticipates mixed marriages in its own text.
Are the vows different outside the United States?
Yes. The Order of Celebrating Matrimony is translated and adapted by each bishops' conference, so the approved English wording in England and Wales, Ireland or Australia is not identical to the United States text quoted here. Ask your parish which translation your diocese uses.